If you’ve spent any time at all playing poker online one of the things you will have learned to pay attention to (or block out competely depending on the situation) is table chatter.  Often it can be harmless banter, but often it gets personal, but there’s nothing more boring than profanity censored rants which really do nothing more than make the aggreived player look like a twat.  Recently though,  I’ve been privvy to a couple of decent little poker sayings and come backs, so I’ve documented them as best I can remember.  Playing poker well is one thing, having the mouth to go with it can be a thing of beaty.

Upon getting sucked out on by a muppet in a tourney

Hero: Better to be lucky and stupid I guess.

Them: Yep, hahaha!

And upon busting them five hands later.

Hero: Now you’re just stupid.


Upon winning two hands in a row, one with JJ v AQ, the second with 99 v AKh with a heart flush draw (the latter being an all in).

Villain: ****en lucky fish.

Hero:  How am I the fish, I’m the one playing with made hands.

Villain: You call them made hands?

Hero: If they aren’t made hands…why do you suppose the dealer keep pushing the chips over to my side of the table?


After calling down a fairly hyper aggressive type with middle pair (who was on a flush draw).

Villain: Nice call.

Hero: ty

Villain: How could you call that?  Idiot.

Hero:  So by good call you mean bad call? 

Villain: **** call.

Hero:  **** call because you lost, or **** as in…**** he actually called!!



Immediately upon sitting at a table with $90 instead of the usual $100.

Villain: Why don’t you bring in with a full buy-in fish?

Hero: Because I spent my other ten bucks on an hour with your wife.



Upon hitting one of numerous outs on a board that gave both straight/flush possibilities.

Villain:  You’re a lucky prick.

Me: Who do you wanna prick?

Villain: Who taught you how to play poker donkey?

Me: The bloke who’se kicking the arse of the guy that taught you.


Always good to keep a cool head on your shoulders.  Happy hunting on the felt.

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