Written By…some random donkey.

I woke up this morning and decided to play some poker.  I really like poker.  Brad, my neighbour, he is really good at poker and says he has been crushing .15/.30 playing online poker at PokerRoom, so I decided to make a deposit to see if I could do ok.  I’m not as good as Brad, but I’ve taken a few trips around the felt, so I was really looking forward to it.

First I sit down at a ring game.  I decided to play the same limit as Brad, since he does well, but I only buy in for $6 because I don’t want to loose my whole roll.  Bankroll management is important you know.

At first I can’t get any good cards at all.  I finally got pocket queens, but when I raised everybody folded.  I hate it when that happens.  Finally I got another pocket pair, this time 5’s, so I decided to push it all in because I was made.  The other guy thought about it for a while and then called with AK.  I won that hand.  I don’t know what he was thinking calling without a hand.  That got me to over $15!

The next hand was really interesting though.  I was in the big blind, and had 78 suited.  I like 78 because I was born on the 7th of August.  It’s usually a lucky hand for me and this one was no exception.  I had to call two other players bet to see the flop, and even though I didn’t hit a 7 or an 8 I had two hearts on the board to go with the ones I had in my hand.  The other players made a big bat of $2.5, but I called.  Brad said not to get scared because sometimes players make continuation bets even if they have nothing.  After the turn, the first guy made another huge raise.  It took another $12 and put me all in, but I called because I only needed one more card to get a flush.  Of course, the last heart came on the river.  I knew it would.  The other guy called me a fish, but he only had a pair of aces so I don’t know what he was complaining about. 

After I did so well on the ring game I decided to play a sit n go.  I like sit n go’s.  I played really tight at the start because Brad says that’s what you should do in tournaments.  Then I decided to really open up my game.  I had a hand when there was a 5 5 and J on the flop.  I had pocket sixes but I was sure the other player hadn’t hit anything, so I made a huge bet that put him all in.  He called really quickly, which was bad, but I got my third six on the river, which was good.  He really shouldn’t have called my bluff.

I didn’t win the sit n go because some idiot beat me with a pair of nines even though I had AK.  It was suited!  Second wasn’t bad though, and I made some more money. 

I decided to try out some Omaha.  I had only played a little bit of Omaha but I liked it.  I only played for a while but won a big hand when I had three pairs.  I made a big bet and the other guy called.  He said he thought I was bluffing.  Why would I bluff with three pairs?  I told him so, but I don’t know what he said back to me because it was all in ******.  Must be a faulty software glitch or something. 

Then I decided to play two tables at once.  Brad says multi-tabling is a good way to increase profitability, so I thought I had better get used to it.  I was really mad because on one table I had my pocket aces cracked!  I sucked in five people and was a sure thing to take down a huge pot but some idiot had seen the flop with 84 and hit two pair, and another guy had a straight!  I lost my whole $6.  I hate it when people suck out. 

Luckily though I got the nine on the river that I needed to make my jack high straight on the other table.  Then I doubled up again when I went up against some loose aggressive player.  Brad says it’s good to trap loose aggressive players.  He only had pocket tens but I beat him when my ace paired on the turn.  I wasn’t even worried about my kicker, which was a 4, because I knew if the ace hit I had him cold.

I played a multi table tournament after tea, but didn’t do so well.  There were just too many crazy players and I didn’t want to rebuy and loose more money. 

On the whole though, it was a very good day.  I almost doubled my deposit.  If things go this well again tomorrow, perhaps I’ll think of training to become a pro.  Brad says he loves it when I play at his games…I bet he would be willing to help me. 


Whilst ridiculous, and over-exaggerated, this little poker story is symbolic of the type of players that you and I regularly have to endure at the tables, those with a complete and utter lack of understanding of poker theory fundamentals. 

We all know luck is an element in poker.  For most of us, we try to get to the stage in poker where we don’t need to get lucky to win, we just need to avoid getting unlucky.  This we can’t always achieve, and it’s worthwhile remembering next time we take a horrible beat to an angler or donkey that winning poker is a long term proposition, and probability is ultimately our friend.  Does it stop us from having that moment fantasizing about hanging them from their shoestrings from the 50th floor of our hotel?  Of course not…but having that perspective and level of understanding that our random donkey clearly lacks is one way to try and avoid tilt at the table. 

We want donkeys.  We need donkeys.  In the long term…they always pay.  Happy hunting ;)

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